Conversations
by Lady Blackfire
Summary: Faith has a conversation with a part of her self shes been ignoring.


I don't own her, I just wish I did. Tripped out Faith has a conversation with 'herself' in prison. I've always thought she needed to get herself straightened out. 

Faith washed her face slowly, staring at herself in the mirror.  The image seemed subtly wrong. There was her face, and then there was a faded ghost face, that lay over and above her own. Faith looked like hell, her eyes red, dark puffy circles below them. She kept thinking that she had to B, but then, B wasn't there. B was the good slayer.  B walked the straight and narrow. 

"Yeah that's right." A voice whispered in Faiths ear. "Your the bad one, that's why your here." Faith looked behind her, but there was no one there but her, and the face in the mirror.  "Yeah that's right, in the mirror. I'm you, your me." Came the voice again. A husky whisper that sounded like Faiths voice, only deeper darker.  Faith splashed more cold water on her face and moved back over to her bed.  The mirror was her reward for being a model citizen in the little hellhole she now called home.  

"Yeah you been good ain't ya dearie." came the husky voice again. Faith groaned and lay back on her bed, resolutely ignoring the whisper. She closed her eyes and sighed.  She didn't need voices in her head. That only got you sent to a room with padded walls and men in white suits. "Scared of the asylum Faith?" The voice whispered.  Faith opened her eyes to find herself face to face with herself. 

She blinked twice and noticed a few differences. The face she was facing looked as if she had energy to run for miles. It was they way Faith had looked in Sunnydale, before the fight with Buffy. Dark eyes, hair and clothes. Lips tilted in a devil may care grin. Faith shut her eyes. The voice laughed.

"I ain't gonna go away." The other face said. Faith knew that she'd open her eyes, and the other version would be smirking. Faith opened one eye and sighed. She was right. 

"What are you?" Faith whispered, and immediately wished she hadn't spoken.

"Afraid to talk to yourself? Not like i can't read your mind." The other Faith snickered.

'fuck this is creepy.' Faith thought, shutting her eyes again. It was one thing to talk to yourself, but a completely different thing to see yourself when you did it.

"Its fucked upright. And you might as well refer to me as the slayer. Cause you'll just confuse us both." The slayer said. 

'like that's any better' Faith thought. 'so what the fuck is this?' The slayer yawned and sighed.

"I thought it was about time that we had a little chat. You've been repressing me, and its not doing you a world of good." The slayer said with a scowl.

"that tells me a lot. Gonna tell me what you are, other than me?' Faith asked, crossing her arms.

"I'm the part of you thats repressed, tied down. the bit that scares you and wakes you up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. The part that makes your hand tremble when a guard with a gun walks by." The slayer grinned sardonically. "The part that whispers in your ear at night. I'm all your dirty little secrets rolled into one." Faith sighed.

"You also annoyingly obtuse. You gonna tell me who or should i ask what you are?" Faith  glared at the slayer.

"Doesn't the name give me away? Or do i need to go all g-man on your ass?" The slayer shot back, looking annoyed.

'Go for it. I doubt I'll get you and better than i did Giles.' Faith growled, the slayer shrugged. 

"You got more brains that you think. And I'd know." The slayer sighed and rolled her eyes. "You should have been listening to me for years kid. Ok, chill." the slayer sighed. "I'll talk. I hold the mystery of the unexpected. Waiting, remaining and wasting. I am the shadow that lingers and darkens.  I am the fantasies of a dreamer, turned into the worst nightmare.  I am an eternity of silence I am inevitable." The slayer intoned in a deep voice. I am the endless  possibility in a dark alley, on a moving street. I am in your hand and in your heart. There is no escaping or denying me. No lock will hold against me, nor any portal barred stand." 

Faith was clueless, and the slayer sighed and went on. "i am in the eyes of your enemy, of your prey and the face you se in the mirror. You've seen me on moonlit streets, in dank cemeteries and in the faces of your friends."

"So what your death?" Faith snorted. "Big freaking deal. You know why i repress you? Its cause when i listen to you, i get in shit, i get over my head and out of control." 

"So you get control. That's why your here after all. But you've gotta stop acting like i don't exist. The more you ignore me, the more fucked you get. You'll be in here forever. Cause one day, you'll just snap, and you'll flip and next thing you'll know there'll be 6 or 7 dead people around you. People who were just in the wrong place in the wrong time. And you can't take that back. Deaths a done deal." The slayer was frowning and Faith sighed.

'As if i don't know that. Why do you think I've got you all repressed and shit. When i play with you i get burned.' She retorted sadly.

'Nuh-uh dear. Your the fire, and people around you get burned. I can give you that control, you just gotta let me free.' the slayer whispered, the voice rich with promises. 'how many times you gonna almost swat back at the big girls? How close will you get to that line, till one day you haven't even noticed that you've crossed it?'

'Shit, i bet B doesn't have to put up with shit like this.' Faith thought bitterly.

'Your right, she doesn't. B lets me have free rein, We're close B and I. Ain't nothing else for her to do. I held her close, tore her free, she knows me from the inside out." The slayers eyes were sad. 'But they tore her back, needed her to fight. Cause you tied me down, and you crossed that line. You fucked up, and now your in here.'

"B died?" Faith asked, her voice soft. The slayer nodded.

'I ain't here to tell ya about it. This here bout you and me. I can help ya, i can lead ya. You don't always have to be this way. Trembling to reach out and feel the blood on your hands. I can fight your anger, hold it down. So its not as sharp, not as defined.' The slayer sounded needy.

'I don't get this.." Faith thought, rolling over to face the wall.  

"its simple, you just gotta listen with your heart and not with your head. I'm you, Your me. I can keep you balanced, but your pushing me away and destroying that balance that you need. Its like an addict. You crave the edge i give, you, but your afraid so you push me away." The slayer replied, sounding thoroughly annoyed.

Faith thought about it. then with a sigh she nodded, and rolled back over. The slayer lay facing her on the bed. 'So what do I do?' Faith asked.

'Nothing. Just this.' The slayer leaned forwards and kissed her. The smooth lips tasted like strawberries, and were gone after a moment. The figure was gone, and Faith closed her eyes, falling into a sleep, that for the first time in a long time, was void of nightmares.


End file.
